Narcissism and Abuse-How Abusers Make Themselves Look Like The Victim
by Alice Belcher on 02/01/18
Narcissists are master manipulators at making themselves appear to be the victim. One of the greatest challenges survivors have is when they are forced to deal with consequences and repercussions that are not of their making, rather are caused by a Narcissistic Abuser.
Inside of too many cases, because of untrained evaluators and family court systems, inexperienced in the dynamics of family (domestic) violence, it is next to impossible sometimes for these systems to wrap their mind around the fact that they can and often are being manipulated by narcissistic abusers.
These narcissistic abusers are masters in using manipulative tactics to make themselves appear to be the victim and make the victim look like they are the problem or the abuser. It is incredible to watch it play out, particularly inside the family court systems, everywhere! It's just an incredible thing to watch.
For the victim, it is like playing this nightmare of a game, and everybody playing the game in the system, thinks they know the rules and understands the game, because they think they have set the rules. Not necessarily true. When in fact, ONLY the abuser and the victim who are watching each other, really know that the game is being controlled by the narcissistic abuser. The victim has been a victim of this game many times before, and has seen this game played out by the abuser multiple times with the victim, friends and family, so the victim clearly sees it happening inside the system the victim sought for protection. So, ONLY the two of them, the abuser and the victim, really know what is truly going on, as the victim watches the manipulation of the system by the abuser against the victim and/or against the children.
Often, the victim watches helplessly, as the abuser gets off on the "Power and Control" trip from using the system the victim went to for help as the abuser's new weapon for beating the victim (emotionally, psychologically or for taking the children away); and the system is the only one playing the game who too often, cannot see they are "being played" by the abuser to re-victimize the victim and/or the children.
It is something that cannot fully be explained to anyone, unless they themselves have walked through this same nightmare as the victim. The more the victim tries to explain it to others and try to show them what the abuser is doing, the more unbelievable the victim sounds, and the more the abuser uses what the victim says to try and discredit the victim.
Meanwhile, victims and their children, continue to be re-victimized repeatedly, by narcissistic abusers who have discovered how to use the systems that were designed to protect women and their children, against women and children.
Narcissistic abusers have discovered how to use these systems as their new "legal" battering rams to continue to beat their victims and with impunity. The very systems that women seek out for protection for themselves and for their children. Incredible!
Dr. Alice L. Belcher, Author | Educator and Activist, literally wrote the book on Family Violence Prevention in the African American Community
www.alicebelcher.com
